MOded.

7:30 am

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Here's another one of my infamous substitute experiences.

I got to my job site (a local high school) and got the key and attendance folder from the secretary. She warned me that the room I would be in is very SMALL. When I got there, I immediately think she forgot to mention CLAUSTROPHOBIC and STUFFY because there were absolutely NO WINDOWS. Oh and it looked like a storage room (as you can see from the picture above). When the last bell rang I had NO STUDENTS in class. On a day like this I actually wanted students to monitor! So I waited and waited and waited. When 15 minutes of nothing got to me I busted out my camera and documented my torturous experience. Then about 15 minutes til the next class began a security guy opened the door and said something like, "You're in the wrong class. The students are waiting for you in another class." I guess I should have known because there was NO LESSON PLAN to be seen anywhere and I was in an empty room. I felt like a DORK. AGAIN. Even though it wasn't my fault.

Kindergarten Cop

Today, I sub-taught Kindergarten at Lampson Elementary. Teaching today reminded me of a scene in the movie Kindergarten Cop. Remember when all the kids were sitting on the floor and Arnold was teaching them and then one kid broke out saying something like, "boys have penis's and girls have vaginas". Well, I had all the kids sitting on the floor and was teaching them the "SH" sound. I asked them to tell me words that begin with "SH" and called on all those who had their hands raised. When I called on one of the boys, he excitedly said "Sh*t!" So, I immediately ignored what he said and called on other kids, trying to make it seem like I didn't hear him. Making matters worse, he didn't give up and kept saying it so I would write it on the board. Finally, I looked at him and said "what?!" and he said it again but this time showed me with his hands, mimicking a door and said, "you know, when the door SHUT'S". When I realized that he was saying "shut" the whole time I felt incredibly sheepish! These kids are so precious--made me think of how innocent and pure they are. I'm looking forward to sub-teaching them again tomorrow!...until then--CIAO.

Part II: Every Substitute's Nightmare

"MRS. M"

Oh what a day, what a DAY! Got the call at 6am and accepted a job at Lampson Elementary. I was excited to go because my mom-in-law teaches 1st grade there. It just so happened that I was substituting for another 1st grade teacher. I get there around 7:45am and walk into my classroom to find a HUGE pile of worksheets and FOUR pages of class instruction for the day. I read through the instructions and at 8:25am the madness begins.

First off, this class was mostly made up of mexican kids, with the exception of 2 asians and 1 caucasian. Plus, I had 2 hard heads (as most classes do). Time for ROLL CALL. I was good with most of the names until I said "Josue" and I pronounced it with the "J" sound instead of the "H" sound. Everyone in the class yelled together, "Nooooo that's not how you say it! It's "Hosue!" For some reason, I had the hardest time pronouncing his name. I kept wanting to say "Josue" with a J.

After I wrote my name "Mrs. M" on the whiteboard, IT STARTED. "Mrs. M, Mrs. M! He said she was my girlfriend". "Mrs. M, Mrs. M! He took my scissors". "Mrs. M, Mrs. M! He said I was a liar and my nose is bigger because I lie and my eye's are huge". "Mrs. M, Mrs. M! Look at them, they're not supposed to be sharpening pencils cuz we're not allowed to". I'm at home and all I hear is "Mrs. M, Mrs. M" still ringing in my ears.

Since I was their sub, they instantly took full advantage of me (and probably my inexperience as a sub teacher). One student kept bothering the rest of the class and I constantly had to be the referee. But I did learn, from the students, that in order to get everyone to calm down I could ring the cow bell. That did it--for 3 seconds and it was back to mayhem. Then I tried holding two fingers above in the air and it worked--for 3 seconds. When those were unsuccesful, I kicked it old school. This time I gave them 3 seconds to sit down, be quiet, and listen or their name would go on the board. I must say, it was a hit! But there was one incident when I wish I wouldn't have done it. I went up to the board and started writing names of those I saw standing up but, this time, without giving a 3 second warning. (I did this little behavior excercise about 4 times. I was totally suprised they fell for this. They did NOT want their name on the board because it meant something really bad. Whenever I put someone's name on the board, I made sure to erase it after I saw they started to behave again.) So, this time, I didn't give any warning and I wrote 3 kids' names down. But it was my bad because one of them (an asian girl) was simply putting away her glue when I wrote her name down. I didn't know it at the time, but then the whole class told me. They also told me that she was going to cry--which she did immediately after. I felt soooo bad!!! I told her and the rest of the class that I was going to erase the names once I saw they were in their seats again. Then I went and spoke to the girl and tried to console her by saying I was very sorry and I didn't know she was only putting her glue away. I ended by telling her she was a very good student (and she really was!). She felt much better a few minutes later.

Now that I've reflected over my day, I must say that I got a kick out of the very same girl I made cry. Here's what she said when she approached me right before school was out: "Mrs. M, I have to drink this! (holding an 8oz plastic bottle of juice)". So I opened it up and gave it back to her. Then she said, "Mrs. M, I can't drink it all!". So, I said to drink as much as she could. Then she says, "No, I have to drink it all before I go home or my mommy is gonna hit me!". I seriously thought she was kidding until she was on the verge of crying again because she couldn't drink any more juice. I had to think fast because school was almost out and the poor thing couldn't finish her juice. I definetly didn't want her to get hit by her mommy so I told her to dump the rest out in the sink! What else was I supposed to do? And why would anyone hit their child for not drinking their juice? Very odd indeedie.

Those kids I had today were complete and TOTAL opposites of those kids I sub-taught my first day. The majority of kids at Lampson Elementary come from really tough homes and neighborhoods. When you see a kid lifting up his sleeve to show his very own, one of a kind, peel and lick tatoo on his arm, you know chances are he will probably grow up and get the real deal. I really felt sad for some of those kids because I could tell that they were being raised around violence, gangs, and other non-sense. Overall, I think if I can handle this, I can handle anything...*knock on wood*.

Are You Smarter than a Second Grader?

MY VERY FIRST DAY SUBSTITUTING 2ND GRADERS

Today started off with a bang. Since I'm an officially certified licensed substitute teacher (hmmm, do you smell sarcasm?) I was expecting to hear the phone ring at 5am. That call I was expecting never came. So I fell back asleep and woke up (thanks to Brett) to the phone ringing at 8:45am. It was my first assignment and I was going to sub-teach 2nd graders! The only problem was that I needed to be there by 9:30am and that's a little tricky because I can take fooooreeeverrrr to get ready (for some odd reason). But I made it and the teacher was apparently in a rush because of an emergency at home. She quickly explained what lessons I needed to go over and did I mention she did it very quickly? Man, I was in for it.

It started off smoothly because the kids were at recess (like the first of twenty it seemed like). After recess, I had only 9 students for the first 30 mins and it went by smoothly. When that was over, I got a taste of what it was REALLY like to be a teacher for a day. The students were awesome-it was I who was not so awesome! Let me pause for a sec and ask you if you've ever watched the show, ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER? If you haven't, I suggest you take the online quiz and test yourself (just so you know, i don't think anyone has won yet!). I think for me it should be: ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A SECOND GRADER. The answer: N-O. Back to my story. It was "grammar time" and I had to explain what a PRONOUN was. I thought I would be cool and ask the students what a pronoun was to see if they knew. So this kid, Matt, raises his hand and says "blah, blah, blah, it's something that can take the place of a noun". And my response: "Yeah, I'm not so sure that's it". Then it seemed like total silence took over. So I looked at the text book and he was 100% right on the money. They must have thought-- man is she really our substitute? And that wasn't the end to my humiliation. There was another kid, Mikey, who was very outspoken. Right after I corrected myself, I tried to do an example of what a pronoun was BUT, this time I was gonna play it safe and use an example right off their worksheet. ERRRR! MODED! I did the example backwards and Mikey pointed out what I did wrong. But stupid me didn't even catch on and I repeated myself because I thought I was right. Then I looked closely at the example on the worksheet and I was "WRONG AGAIN" (as Rafiki would say). I felt like they should've taught themselves! Wait! I'm a COLLEGE GRAD. Boy, does that look pointless now...haha.

If any of you ever want a week of laughs, go and substitute the 2nd grade. I must say, though, that I had way more fun than I anticipated. Out of all the things I expected substituting to be, I never thought it was going to be FUN!